kat wiseman

Lately my brain feels like the part in the documentary Dear Zachary when the twist is revealed and the screen explodes with an angry cacophony of manic, split-second imagery and blown out speaker sounds as one lone voice yells “fuuuuuuck” in the background.

I feel like I’m finally on the precipice of being able to be content with my life and choices, but I don’t know how to push past feeling miserable and defeated all. the. time. to get to that new phase. I hear you’re supposed to just keep going, you’re supposed to work through all the missteps and set-backs. But how do you do that when you’re afraid of failure and your response to fear is to freeze? How do you view a sentiment like “no one cares, do what you want” as a freeing thought and not a belittling, hopeless one? How do you live with doing something not perfectly, even for the sake of practice?

I don’t know.

How do you feel like an actual person with interests and hobbies? How do you feel like a real person who takes up space when you constantly feel isolated and alone? How do you accept that no man is an island when you’re stuck, surrounded by a sea of missed opportunities and what ifs?